Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
