I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
