Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
