she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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