I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
