She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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