I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
