11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
