Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
