I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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