Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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