I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We had sex on a dog bed..
Randomize
