i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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