if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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