his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
