did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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