Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
