"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
