yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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