question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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