I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
