hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize