Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
