Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
