There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
