The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
