Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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