Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
