The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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