I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
