break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
