How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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