She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just had sex bonerless
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
