Your face is a jimmy john
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
