it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
