I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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