Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
