it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
