apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
