How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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