wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
