Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
