im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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