Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
