another moral hangover. fuck.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize