i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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