I'm lost and stupid without you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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