he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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