dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
