lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
