Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Randomize
