Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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