then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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