Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
