things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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