I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize