Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
