Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
