Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize