My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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