Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
