you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
