If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
