omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
