I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
