Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
