Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize