I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
