i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
