Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
