I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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