i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
