Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
