If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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