I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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