Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
