I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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